Beyond The Careless

The question was asked, “If you could start over, and do whatever you want, what would you dedicate your life to?”
“I’d take up creating my images and find new ways to look at art.”

Clark’s Fork of the Yellowstone

One night in a drunken stupor I was wandering around the south side of Billings and encountered a man who took me to an all night restaurant for coffee. We sat at the counter sometime after midnight talking, but for all the coffee I guzzled, sober I was not; I was just a wide awake drunk. My new friend, Erni Wegner, asked me where I lived and then drove me to my home by Careless Creek, leaving his car on the street.

He saw artwork on the walls, heard my story, and suggested we spend the weekend at his place, the WhiskeyEcho Ranch.  I went for a weekend and stayed for more than a quarter of a century caring for his elderly mother, Marie Teeples, and working on his ranch on the Clark’s Fork of the Yellowstone.

I made a couple of decisions in the first year after my relocation between the Pryor Mountains to the east and the Beartooth Mountains to the west. The first was to get sober and stay that way for the rest of my life. The second was to get back to work and to see what direction my state of survival from child death loss and withdrawal from my drug of choice took me.

With sheer determination and sensible, healthy counsel from Paul Duke, I took one day at a time and filled the hours with the gestures of an artist. Erni would step into the studio from time to time and ask me to take a break. We’d walk the grounds with his dog, Buttons, look at the crops, plant trees, and work the garden.

Drawing It Out

My passion, my heart's desire was to create images on paper with charcoal or on canvas in oil or with words on paper that might cause others to stop a moment to think or feel differently than they thought or felt before they encountered my expressions.  I put marks on the vellum’s surface.  The first attempts were pathetic.  The work looked like something a third grader in grammar school might do.  But I was Doing. I was going through the very motions, making the very same steps I knew were fundamental in creating a work of art.  So what if it wasn't a masterpiece, I was taking the first steps toward a new beginning.  Getting ready to get ready.

But, I was blocked; I couldn't get my creative energies to flow.  And I still struggled; I worked hard to engage my creative lifespirit energies, my imagination, to find that aspect of my being that has been smothered, bashed, shattered, and lost.

With total honesty I confronted the ‘me’ that is truly me and assessed my state of mind and condition of spirit. I discovered what it was that triggered my present disposition, and set about the business of learning how to channel it, redirect it, alter it, and I understood that if I could not do this, I would find a way to learn how to live with it as a fact of life.  This process defined my terms of surviving and I am still doing it as I am a survivor of disastrous loss. I kept a journal of this process and years later created, "Drawing It Out"

If I could change or control a situation that seems to trigger a particular mood or emotional response to an event, I worked hard to do that, and if it's completely beyond anyone's control, I let it ride, or labeled it and flushed it down the toilet the first opportunity I had to evacuate that day's digestion.  However, while I was doing either of these things, I gave myself permission to have the right to draw out the event and its associated attitude, get it out onto paper into the light of day and look at it.  As an artist I have an obligation to do this, and 99% of the time by doing it – drawing it out – I will get it out of my system.

To let fears dwell within – unchallenged, unexpressed – poisons the system, poisons relationships with my society, and my relationship with my universe.

Toxins from a constipated mind are as unhealthy as the toxins from constipated bowels.  Blockage makes me sick.  And when I became sick and tired of being sick and tired, I found a way to clear the system for a more healthy flow for inspiration.

I made a decision to break the block, freeing myself from the obstructions.

Resolve

Once I get the thoughts and feelings out onto the surface of paper in words or in charcoal, I claim them, as they are from me.  I can no longer deny their existence.  I know where they come from and I know where it ends if I dwell on them, so I say, "Yes, this IS how it is for me; I may like what I see or I may not like it, but I WILL choose to survive it with as much courage, determination, dignity and creative energy as I can gather."

Courage

Determination

Dignity

Gathering techniques exist and include simple visualizations.  Relax; calm rushing thoughts; breathe slowly, deeply; focus on the inner view as seen with the mind’s eye and perceive insights.

Original Source for Creative Lifespirit

Every moment I breathe deeply, calmly, and enter the opening within my anima to experience my connection to the creative lifespirit, I perceive my essence relative to the great creator and trust my insights. Thus energized, I interpret the vision, translate it, and finally, express it with love.

I

For me the journey is on-board a magical vehicle that allows me to smear colors, scribe lines, and push, then pull shapes until images appear approximating those moving, sometimes fleeting, seen originally with the mind's eye.  What a sensational ride it is.  It is a challenging ride, lasts a lifetime, and is more about exploration, experiencing and learning than about a finished work.

What you plan, or intend, sets the tone and influences the outcome of every event.  Serendipity and synchronicity will often come into play.  Be aware of them and your inherent intuitive ability.

At first, the range of play may seem limited, because we have bought into our culture's notion of what is and is not good imagery or behavior.  Realize through the creative process the range of play is so vast it includes all spectra and is limited only by your insight, inner view, or imagination.  What you see is what you get.  Knowing all that exists in the world within your skin to the world beyond your star are fair game and you are both privileged and compelled to express that, but realize you won't have enough days of earth life to express it all.  Regardless of talent or skill, find out what the best things are for you to explore.  How far can you go? How do you let go and just go? Always push the envelope, take the next step. Ask, “What is around the next corner to investigate?”

Next, ask, "How am I connected to my universe?” and, "What is my relationship to it, to my biosphere, to those living here with me?" and then, "What fascinates me the most, makes me excited and arouses me, inspires me?"   With these questions in mind and heart, you are already on your spiritual journey, the journey of knowing your inner being, its dynamics and course.

We can come to know, realize, "up" only relative to "down"; peaks and valleys relative to plateaus; hot and cold relative to a thousand warms; fast relative to slow; light relative to dark, and love or hate relative to indifference.  Experiencing our senses and extending those vibratory energies to include the senses of our intuitive perceptions allows us to explore our vital core of being through dream, daydream, meditation, fantasy and imagination using memory as the link for recall and expression.  What is your inner vision?  Discover it!

No one color is superior to another in its pure existence; no one value or shade of grey is better than another in and of itself.  Blue is not better than red or yellow, nor is white or light grey better than medium grey or black.  See darkness, not as the opposite of light, but rather, its complimentary with an energy exchange ongoing. Light's greatest secret is shadow. We need both to see dimensional form.   It is only when we encounter one element in relationship with another do we make personal and often arbitrary judgments assigning value or worth.

When we as a global community realize we can only exist peacefully with benign relationships with our universe and our neighbors, can we begin to appreciate how one element can be a compliment to another rather than an antagonist.

What is obscene and offensive to one may be pure ecstasy to another.  If, after extensive consideration, you find something to be an insult to your soul, either dismiss it, or block it with your shields of courage, resolve, and dignity.  The blocking is relative to you only, and is not to be imposed on others.  They can decide for themselves as feeling, thinking adults.

However, rather than setting up blocks or forming walls, exploring the gamut of any spectrum from one polarity to the other without prejudice is the key.  If you discover you cannot find a way to live with purple or green or nudity or noodles in your life, do not forsake them, but explore your inner core to find why you are reacting the way you are.  You'll learn more about purple's inherent reds and blues, and green's intrinsic yellows and blues (or about nudity, noodles, Arabs, trout, thunder, wool, weeds, or whatever), and more importantly, even more about yourself!

At your vital core, discover the complimentary elements, your anima and animus, as they exist in fact.  You may not want to even begin to admit such contrasting energies might exist within, let alone explore them.  However, peek, poke, prod and eventually play with both, and in so doing, realize you need both your maleness (thank you Dad) and your femaleness (thank you Mom) to be the you that you are.  You exist between their exchange of energies and will discover this sphere of your creative lifespirit being is connected to all that ever has been, is now, or ever will be.  What an extraordinary spectrum within which to exist!  It has no beginning and no end.  It is infinite.  It is your being with the greatest force of the universe indwelling, pulsing through every atom of every cell.  Love it.  It is a good place from which to work, to perform, and to be.  Trust it and have faith in it, for it is your living, loving, compassionate, and forgiving spirit.  Then, thank your Father and Mother for it.  What you are in the flesh is your vital essence expressed with no mask needed.  Once we stop hiding behind religion's shame-laden fig leaves, we can begin to realize we are intrinsically, enigmatically, and intricately human, and start accepting we are beings with exciting attributes.  Only then, can we express our Being by celebrating our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual existence and realizing our unique differences by wondering, touching, exploring, feeling and experiencing passionately.

II

*If you love someone, tell him or her; tomorrow the one you love may not be here.  During a funeral is too late.

*Discover your passion and pursue it.  Win, lose, or draw, it is better to look back on life without regrets or resentments.

*Live and Let Live with compassion in mind and heart.  Every response grounded with compassion promotes healing and peaceful coexistence. It takes so little energy to be kind.

*Life is much too short no matter how long one manages to live, to suffer arrogant, mean-spirited people who intentionally inflict pain on others. Defend yourself and those you love from every bully’s hate, cruelty, depravity, and sadistic, destructive behavior.

*Being just or fair with all others and honest with oneself is the foundation for truth; from this basic truth will grow peace of mind and peace of spirit for self and all others.  If “Peace on Earth” is one of the goals to earth life well-being, each and every human must begin, first, with inner peace.

*Injustice, or unfairness, is born of arrogance, and from arrogance are spawned disrespect, prejudice, tyranny, and hate.  Labeling or calling another person, or group, derogatory names, slurs, encourages hatemongering. Once one hates another, it is easier to kill them.  Likewise, self-deception, self-hatred, and denials of one’s inner conflicts destroy trust, foster confusion, set the stage for paranoia, escalate corruptive out-of-control behaviors and spirals the spirit downward toward depression and despair.

*Being honest about one’s true feelings, thoughts, intentions, decisions, needs, and specific behavioral reactions and responses is one’s responsibility for personal well-being and for the general welfare of every soul.  We are all involved with only two relationships: social and universal. Globally we are each connected to another and to the Great Creator whether we acknowledge these connections, or not.  From these two basic relationships flow our creative lifespirit energies, and from these energies flow life and our expressions of being.

*We are connected to the Creative Lifespirit Energy that is the most powerful and dynamic force in the universe.  We are part of all that ever has been, is now, or ever will be because we exist on and in this biosphere life-support system which is a part of a star system which in turn is part of a galaxy that was here before us, exists now, and will be here long after we leave this physical life.  We have physical being, mental awareness, emotional responsiveness, and intuitive and spiritual sensing that function as a whole in this sensory existence.  Respect life and use Earth’s resources wisely.  We mine (or drill) and we harvest crops.  There are no other alternatives; just these two.

*The spiritual journey we each take, and we all do at some level, may start on high with a mystical vision after days of fasting, or with the touch of a master, or with an ecstatic experience involving a flower, pebble, sunset or burning bush. Regardless of the path, fetish, or omen, it always leads us back to our inner being, and to the most common places like a bedroom, kitchen, bathtub, driver's seat, saddle, or garden. (Nik-1996 from the Lightseeker’s Journal^® as Lightseeker^® visits with Shadowdancer^®)

In the late sixties, my friend, Nelson Dodson, said to me after four years of art school, “Art ain’t what you thought it was!” He was quite right; it isn’t. The creative process is more about self discovery than it is about an icon or image.

Feathers In Layers

At 5 O’clock in the afternoon May 28,1988 I took a few conté crayons, x-acto knife, spacers, glass, and a frame and set to work creating a piece of art in one hour for an auction later in the evening. I was in a quick-draw demonstration at the country club on the west bench of Red Lodge, Montana.

The image I decided on was a fan made of three golden eagle feathers. Two feathers were positioned first, and on top of them I placed a single feather, separated by spacers, and then sandwiched between to panes of glass all set into a frame without a backing.

Golden Eagle Feather Fan

from the series, Father Sky, Mother Earth, and Man

The idea for this had emerged a week earlier as I studied two photos in my studio. One was a print of a painting of feathers I’d created in acrylic on canvas years earlier and the other was of a piece I titled, ‘Metamorpheasant’, a visual play on the words metamorphosis and pheasant. The idea to make the back panel a clear pane of glass appeared in my mind as a way to make golden eagle feathers appear to float. I created a prototype, turned the vision I saw with my mind’s eye into a work of art using paper feathers sandwiched between two panes of glass. Later in the evening it sold at the auction and the proceeds went for charity.

This little layered image led me to try more layers. One prototype was made with eight layers of crystal clear resin. Rectangular pieces of reflective plastic were laid on each layer and another layer poured until I had an image designed as a three dimensional form. It reminded me of Stonehenge or a corral with the upright posts, but without the cross rails. I titled it, Harmonics Galactic.

Eventually, I began to paint or draw directly on the glass panes and position each pane relative to the one in front and the one in back of it. All of the panes are then stacked in correct order to construct an image having deep spatial quality. The concept for my series, Visions In Depth, was born from the little feather fan in layers made for a quick draw demonstration and donation in 1988.